Why? Because it's freakin' funny !

Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.

Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?
A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.

Oxo were going to bring out a Euro 2004 Commemorative cube painted red,
white and blue in honour of the England squad. But it was a laughing
stock and crumbled in the box.

Q: Why do English make better lovers than Portuguese/Germans?
A: Because English are the only one's who can stay on top for 45 Minutes
and still come second!

Q: What is common between a 3 pin plug and the England football team?
A: They are both useless in Europe!

Q: What's the difference between O J Simpson and England?
A: OJ Simpson had a more credible defence

Rumours that David Beckham was seen successfully seducing a young woman
in a Spanish nightclub with a one-liner have been completely refuted by
the English FA. Adam Crozier, chief publicity officer stated: "I find it
totally preposterous to suggest that one of our players could make a
successful pass to or at anyone."

Q. What's the difference between the English and a jet engine?
A. A jet engine eventually stops whining.

Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and Jimmy Hill.
You have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?
A. Shoot Jimmy Hill - twice.

Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead
English football fan on the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q. What do English football fans and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q. If you see an English football fan on a bicycle, why should you never
swerve to hit him?
A. It could be your bicycle.

Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says,
"Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up
everything inside them is numbered." The second surgeon says, "Nah,
librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical
order." Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is
colour-coded." The fourth one says, "I prefer English football fans.
They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are
interchangeable."

Q. Did you hear about the UK politician who was found dead in an English
football jersey?
A. The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save
his family from the embarrassment.

Q. Did you hear that the UK Post Office has had to recall their latest
stamps with pictures of English football players on them.
A. People couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q. What do you have when 100 English football fans are buried up to
their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

OK...fine...you asked for it...

At the request of Matt and Mike, and at the risk of no one ever reading this blog again, here is the extremely anti-climactic story about why I started the blog...

Last weekend, a friend of mine from work didn't have my cell phone # on him, so he decided to try to look me up in an internet search to see if he could find it. Instead of any pages related to me, he found a few that were related to some other Chris Orlando's of the world (who knew?). So that sort of inspired me to look up people I know to see what would come up. It was at that time I realized that I may be the last human being on Earth that doesn't have one of these interpersonal-human-contact-destroyers...

That's it...sorry it wasn't more interesting!

Missing Person

My friend Andrew is trying to help locate a missing friend.

SpaceShipOne

I noticed Andrew's take on this event, and I couldn't resist putting in my 2 cents (that's tuppins, for you folks who've been in the UK too long...cheers Matt).

It's all fine and dandy, "the future is now" and all that. However, how long is it before the new U.S. space-bound missile defense system blows one of these private space missions out of the sky? And then the "this is why private space flight is a bad idea" excuses (rather than "weapons in space is a bad idea", cause that's just crazy talk).

Vote on June 28th

Now, I normally would fully support the decision to NOT vote, as this is as good a political statement as any, but in this coming election (to echo a common phrase), a vote for no one is a vote for the Conservatives.

For those of you who want gun-toting racists deciding on the future of this country, then by all means vote for the neo-cons, but for those who don't want to have to flee the country (and I suspect there at least a few of you, though the sea of blue lawnsigns make it hard to believe), please vote for anyone but them.

If you won't vote for the Liberals, don't think that any other vote is throwing it away. If you accept any of the other parties platforms, then vote for them--NDP, Green, Marijuana, Marxist-Leninist, Communist, Natural Law, or anyone else. PLEASE !

And if you believe in the new Conservatives policies, then just move to the U.S. where these policies are already mostly in effect (tax cuts, decaying health care, lack of gun control, etc), and leave this wonderful country for those of us who appreciate it for what it is, as it is. Remember, a Reform-er by any other name still smells as gun-toting and racist...

Historically, I would never encourage someone to vote for someone they didn't strongly believe in, but I strongly believe in keeping this country as a leader in its own social policy, economics, and foreign policy--not a follower of our Big Brother (in both senses of the term) to the south...

Never too late...

Well, it seems I'm about 3 years out-of-date when it comes to communication technology. I missed the whole ICQ age and went straight into the MSN Messenger age. And apparently no one emails anymore....everyone just blogs. So, in the interests of keeping in touch with some of my oldest and best friends, I finally broke down and started one of these monstrosities.

Since I don't actually do much work here at work, I figured I might as well do something quasi-productive (ok, so referring to this using any form of the word productive is a stretch...).

You know how every now and then something really odd happens, and incites an old memory? Well, suffice it to say, without going into any detail, that such an occurence is the reason for the creation of this Blog.